Sunday, December 13, 2009
As of yesterday, I am officially a college graduate!! Well, almost. I graduated yesterday, but I still have exams this week. So to actually get my diploma I have to pass my exams. I don't know why they do that. It's like, ok here's your diploma, but if you don't pass your exams we'll take it back. (Insert evil laugh here). I've been looking for a job without much success. Houghton Lake is not the place to be while looking for a job. Neither is the entire state of Michigan, but at least I'd have a chance in a bigger city. I do, however, have an interview tomorrow afternoon at Firstbank. It's only part time, but that's better than nothing!
In June we are planning to move back to the Lansing area. We'll rent first, and hopefully be able to get a house within a year or so. The biggest reason we're moving is because most of my family lives downstate and my mom lives very close by. I want Mason to be able to get to know his extended family as well. This is pretty much impossible while living up north. 3 hours one way isn't the ideal day trip with a toddler.
As far as my diet goes, well, it was pretty much non-existent for a few months. I tried just eating in moderation for a few weeks. It went pretty well the first week, but went down hill after that. I was even working out on our elliptical. I am fully aware that I am severly overweight...obese even. I'm not blind...I really have been trying to do something about it, actively now, for over a year. I've had successes, but mostly I've had failure. I went to visit my mom for a few days in November. I was nagging at her about quitting smoking. You see, I used to be a smoker. I only smoked for a few years, but that's a few years too many in my book! I quit in February 2006. I have no desire to start again, and I think you could even call me a smoking snob now. I hate the smell of it, I don't want to be around it, I refuse to bring Mason around it. But anyway, I was driving in the car with my mom, nagging her to quit. I said it was the hardest thing I have done, but was well worth it. Next my mom says, "Now all you have to do is lose weight". Yep. She said it. And I know it wasn't meant to hurt my feelings. But of course it did. It was like a slap in the face. Like I said, I am WELL AWARE of my weight problem. I don't like to be fat. I don't want to be fat. I just haven't had any luck so far with getting it off. My mom is not fat. She's quite the opposite. Very skinny. I obviously didn't get those genes. I think I either offended or annoyed her by telling her to quit smoking, because she said that telling someone to lose weight is just as hard as telling someone to quit smoking. As a former smoker, a former "skinny" person, and a current fat person, that is absolutely NOT true. There's a huge difference.
When people would tell me I should quit smoking, I got annoyed. Obviously I knew that smoking is bad for you. It can kill you. It is expensive. Etc, etc. Telling me to quit smoking didn't hurt my feelings. It didn't make me feel bad about myself and it didn't hurt my self-esteem. When you tell someone they need to lose weight, you will probably hurt their feelings. You will probably also hurt their self-esteem. When it's your mother telling you that you need to lose weight...the person who is supposed to support you and be there for you...it just plain sucks. I've never really discussed in detail with my mom how much weight I've gained, how much I need to lose, my struggles, etc., because she's not fat. She's never been fat. She doesn't understand. Weight has always been an issue in my life, even when I was skinny. My step-dad used to make fun of my weight (when there was no problem) and kids at school used to call me the "big fat hippo". Cruel. But I don't get it...I WASN'T fat then. I'm fat now, and I WISH that my family would have been more helpful and supportive during those years as a child going into my teenage years with a little chub, and told me that it's normal for girls to be taller and have extra "fat" when they're young. Even in high school when I was skinny, I wore t shirts in the pool. Now I don't even like to go near a pool, or any body of water. And I wouldn't, if it weren't for my son.
I don't want to deprive him of having fun and spending time outdoors because I am self conscious of the way I look. So I suck it up and do it anyway.
I have totally gone way off track here....oh, yes, my diet. I have been back on Weight Watchers going on 3 weeks and it's gone well for the most part. I lost 3.6 the first week and 1.6 last week. My goal is to lose 10 lbs. by Christmas. I think I may reach that goal.
So there you have it. An update of the past few months, as well as a ridiculous rant about my childhood, lol. I have an interview to prepare for, as well as some studying to do. I'll try to be better about keeping up with my Blog.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
As I mentioned, I haven't been planning. So I just a rough list of how I would like to structure my days. Maybe if I type it out, print it and tape it on the fridge, in my bathroom, on the tv....I'll have a better chance of doing what I planned.
Here's my tentative plan:
EXERCISE. (one of my classes is Health Identification and Management, and right now I'm studying heart disease and the causes of it. It's scaring the crap out of me.)
-I plan to do my WATP video 5 times a week. I'll start with the 2 mile and work my way to the 3 mile. I know that doesn't sound like much, but I'm so out of shape, I need to start somewhere. After I have mastered the 3 mile, I will add pilates/yoga 3 times a week.
-I am going to (try) to get up a few mintues before Mason in the morning so I can stretch, breathe, and just wake up. I will also do this after he goes to bed at night.
-I'm going to make sure that Mason gets enough time everyday to practice counting, ABC's, art, reading, etc.
-I will make a list of 3 tasks/chores to get done that day...otherwise nothing gets done!
-I'm going to listen to music everyday. It makes me happy.
-I'm going to take at least 30 min. a day for me; paint my nails, read, take a bath, etc.
-I'm going to plan my meals before I grocery shop for the week so that I don't buy junk.
-I'm going to go to bed by 11pm when possible so I get enough sleep.
I would like to lose 30 lbs. by December....I graduate in December and would like to buy a new dress :)
Sunday, August 30, 2009
I had a C-Section, and I remember the first time I saw the aftermath. My stomach, that is. I got HUGE with Mason. Not fat, but my stomach was freaking ginormous. It looked like there was more than one baby in there, and strangers felt the need to point that out to me. But after the baby was out, my stomach was still big, but now instead of a cute baby bump, it was ugly and there was hanging skin from where it stretched out. This was 18 months ago. A year and a half. And guess what? I STILL LOOK 9 MONTHS PREGNANT!!!!!! It is embarrassing. Sure, I lost about 25 lbs the first month after Mason was born, but I gained it back. And then some. What the hell???
So, back to the list. Here is the list of what what has happened, and also how I plan to fix myself. Or try to, anyway.
1. The obvious, bulging, saggy, belly. I no longer wish to look pregnant. Especially since I'm NOT. I plan to fix this (at least reduce it) by exercising and sticking to Weight Watchers.
2. Enormous boobs. Yeah, you'd think this wouldn't be a problem. Losing weight should help this.
3. More chins than a Chinese phone book. Haha...lame, I know. I'd like just one, please.
4. To look my age. Being fat makes you look older than you are. I am 25. Not 35. (No offense to those over 35 ;) I just am not there yet.)
5. The sagging, flappy arm things need to go. Along with the fat fingers, hands, legs, and arms. Paint me orange and dye my hair and I could pass for an oompa loompa. Again, exercise.....
6. The inner tube around my waist and the multiple rolls of fat around my upper body/waist. Those have GOT to go. Sigh....more exercise.
I realize this is getting long, and I think it might not be written in a very organized manner...but I have so many things I want to say, so bear with me.
As far as emotional changes, I realize I have become withdrawn, lethargic at times, extremely tired often and lacking energy. Like I said, I'm 25 years old. I shouldn't feel like this. I had post partum depression really bad last winter. We live in a town where we don't know anyone except Brian's parents, and they go to FL from Sept-May. Brian works alot, and I stay at home with Mason and take classes online. I don't have any friends or family nearby so it got lonely. And I got depressed. I slept when Mason did and stayed home most of the time. Since I was tired and depressed I had no oomph to be active or exercise. I still get a little blue occasionally, but it's better. I have joined MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers) and I am hoping to make some friends through that, and schedule playdates for Mason and I. I'm going to make myself be more active, and take advantage of being able to walk and play outside with Mason while the weather still permits it.
I have a ways to go, and many changes to make. I'll get there, though.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Like I mentioned before, I only get homework done when he's sleeping. Now I've got an hour or so to make up after he goes to bed for the night.
As far as WW goes, I sucked today. Well, from dinner on I sucked. It ends tonight, though. Tomorrow I am focusing on drinking water, eating more veggies, fruits, etc.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
When I graduated from high school in 2002 I started at CMU in the fall and lived in the dorms. I partied like a true college student (ok, not all party...) and had tons of fun getting to know my roommates and getting acquainted with college life. Unfortunately, I had a little too much fun and my grades suffered. I cleaned up my act my sophomore year, but it came a little late, and I lost my financial aid. Brian and I were engaged by now (haha...yeah, after only 9 months of dating and only being 19...but that's another story) so I dropped out of school and moved in with Brian. After Brian and I got married in 2004, I started at Delta College where I did very well. 3 Semesters in we decided to move to North Carolina so I dropped out of school again. Fast forward 3 years and it's the fall of 2008, I am a new mom to a baby and starting school again. This time, I took online classes, but they were 8 week semesters instead of the normal 16 week semesters. By doing this, I have been able to get in 2 semesters in each term, including taking 2 summer classes (on campus) at the local community college. Are ya with me? It's a little confusing, but to get to the point, Monday I start my last semester as a college student. For now, anyway.
Tonight I have been printing material for class and have realized that I am really nervous. Of course, I am always nervous the first week or two of a new semester, but this time the pressure is on. If I don't do well I won't graduate. I'm sure I'll do fine, but you get what I'm saying? And classes aren't my only responsibility. Mason is 18 months old now and is about at that point where he is down to one nap a day. The only time I have to do homework and read for class is when he is sleeping.
I still haven't read over the syllabus for each class because I've been so busy PRINTING. One of my classes had a 212 page course pack, another was 180 pages. I have gone through 2 ink cartridges.
As for Weight Watchers, I have been doing pretty well. I haven't been drinking enough water and I've been using too many points on sweets. Those are things I must work on next week.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
The last few days have been great. I use my flex points for treats, I've been getting in more fruits and veggies than I have been and I have been mindfully eating. That mindful eating has been a huge thing for me the past few days because it's hard to do with a toddler. I've been focusing on whether or not I really like what I'm eating, and if I don't, I quit eating it. No sense in wasting points on something that doesn't taste good. If I'm not hungry any more, I quit eating it. Cereal has been my saving grace, especially at night when my cravings kick in. I have a ton of cereal in the pantry consisting of Multi-grain Cheerios, regular Cheerios, Banana Nut Cheerios, Honey Nut Cheerios, Golden Grahams and Cocoa Puffs. I had coupons, ok...lol. BTW...Banana Nut Cheerios are AWESOME. And the coupons I got from couponmom.com. You should check it out if you've never heard of it. Lots of freebies and good coupons every week.
Today I went with Mason, the hubby, MIL and FIL to the local fair. I was just excited to be out of the house, and for the first time in a long time I wasn't concerned about the food. With the exception of an elephant ear, of course. Previously I would have had a hard time deciding what to eat because everything would sound good. Corn dogs, pretzels, nachos, gyros, pizza, etc. I actually didn't want any of this, but I was hungry and it was lunch time. I split a corn dog with Mason and some chili cheese fries with Brian, and yes, I counted the points!! I was very empowered to know that I could enjoy a day at the fair and not let it revolve around food. I'll admit I was worried that it would just snowball from there--I'd eat a ton of fair food, use all my flex points and give up for the week and pledge to do good on Monday, Monday would come and go and I'd still not be doing good. I am relieved to say that didn't happen. I WANTED to count points for what I ate today.
But anyway, the fair was fun. We saw some cute animals and some white trash alcoholics who shouldn't be allowed to reproduce. The cute animals consisted of your basic fair animals: cows, horses, pigs and goats. There was also a special exhibit with a few rescued wild animals like an adorable lion cub, a tiger, a cougar, a lemur, a monkey, a kangaroo and a creepy looking one that I can't remember what it's called. For $20 you could get your picture taken with the lion cub, the kangaroo or a mini-fox of some kind. I wanted to take it with the kangaroo or the cute little kitty but $20 seemed a little....or alot....expensive.
My kid didn't really take a nap today except for about 30 min on the way home from the fair. I laid him down early and he's still awake....Ugh. Normally he falls right asleep but he's been fighting sleep lately. I'd better go see what I can do.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
By the time I was ready to plan dinner (at 6:00 pm) I had no points left for the day. I had to use Flex Points for my dinner. I had a few treats today, so I suppose that's ok....but I don't have very many Flex Points left for the week...and I like having extras everyday in case I run out of points and am hungry after dinner like I usually am. Yes, I can earn Activity points. I know....I've been moving a little this week...one thing at a time! Bottom line--I need to plan my food every day......and plan meals better.....and exercise.
Ok, I have lots to do today, but I wanted to get a post in for yesterday since I didn't get around to it before I went to bed. After I get Mason down for his nap I'm going to plan my food for the day.
Talk to ya later!
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Around lunch time I was STARVING and craving anything and everything. I decided I would have a few of the White Cheddar Cheez-It's I love so much. Those darn things are tasty--but 3 points for a little handful. I could eat the whole box. Luckily, I didn't...but I did have about 2 servings worth of them. I took a little cat nap while Mason was napping to get rid of my headache. I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich while Mason had his snack. I had one of those mocha frappe things from McDonalds (without whipped cream) too. So what stopped me from falling off? Before going out to the grocery store I put on the jeans I bought on Saturday that were kind of tight....today they weren't tight. Woo Hoo!! I then re-planned the rest of the food for the evening. Instead of the beef stroganoff I was planning to make, I am baking some chicken breast and having some of that broccoli and cheese steamer things and a cup of soup. I put the crackers and the sandwich into my points tracker and I only ended up using 2.5 flex points after all that. Ohhhh....and I managed to get a little walk in. It was only 15 minutes...but that's a start, I suppose.
It's so exciting to me that I think I have finally found whatver it is I need to keep motivated and to keep myself on the right track. Once school starts in a few weeks I won't have as much free time as I do now, but I know that by having a few weeks already under my belt, I will make time.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Up until about 5 months ago we had two long haired cats that shed ALOT. We found them a new home in March because they were cooped up in the apartment because Brian's mom is allergic, and after experiencing life without cat hair, we stopped going out in to the apartment as often and they weren't getting enough attention....so back to today. We were working on getting the cat hair out. To do that we have to dust everything, wash the walls, move all the furniture and vacuum under, next to and around it. We did a little downsizing, putting unwanted or unused items into a box for an upcoming garage sale. We worked most of the day and still aren't done. We are going to steam clean the furniture and the carpet but since we didn't finish everything else that will have to wait.
I went off on a tangent there....oh, yes. My point in explaining all that was that we were busy, which is why I didn't use the amount of points I usually do.
I weighed myself today and gained .6 pounds from last week. My goal is to NOT gain weight on a regular basis, which I have been. I have alot of weight to lose...now it's up to about 130 pounds to reach the weight I'd like to maintain. Brian and I want to have kids soon...we actually wanted to try again once I found a job, but I am pretty sure I won't have lost enough weight for that to be a good idea. Not only that, but we'd like to have our own place, insurance and a few other important things, before having another baby. I wanted Mason and his first sibling to be about 2 years apart so that they would have a close relationship as they grew up, and I was having a hard time accepting the fact that we'd have to wait a bit longer...but I want to do the next pregnancy the right way.
I gained about 35 lbs. during my pregnancy with Mason. I lost about 25 lbs. the first month and I have slowly gained that back. Now I am starting to gain a bit more and that is just not acceptable. If I don't lose some weight before having another baby I know I will just continue to get bigger and bigger....I don't intend on losing 140 lbs before getting pregnant again. I would like to lose at least 50 lbs. though. If I lose more...that's fabulous. But that is what I am shooting for.
Today was one step closer.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Crap...I just remembered I forgot to weigh myself. Better do it tomorrow.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
I stopped counting points on Tuesday. I think knowing that we weren’t planning to count points over the weekend while at my mom’s didn’t help. I did, however, become more mindful of what I was eating. And for not counting points, I didn’t do all that terrible. I even ate some fruit and veggies!
We left late Thursday afternoon, and still hadn’t had lunch. Instead of stopping to get fast food as we planned, I made us (my hubby, Brian and I) sandwiches consisting of lean deli chicken, whole wheat bread, a slice of provolone cheese and mustard. No fat, no mayo, no grease. It was great! We did grab a bag of Doritos from Glen’s before we left, but I didn’t like the flavor we got. It was a new flavor; jalapeño popper….it was too spicy for me and tasted a little stale. Instead of eating them anyway, I stopped after realizing I didn’t care for them. Yay me! I had a yogurt also. We got a pizza from Little Caesars for dinner and I did eat 3 pieces….
On Friday we took my son to the zoo. Anyone who has been to the zoo knows the goodies that can be eaten there…I ate NONE of these things. I did spend $3 on a bottle of water though. Ugh. We didn’t get to the zoo till 1 pm and had lunch before hand….I had a 6 inch turkey and roast beef sub from subway!!! Another yay for me! After the zoo we were wanting a snack…I was craving frozen lemonade but couldn’t find any. Brian really wanted cheeseburgers from White Castle but I wasn’t in the mood for grease. (After smelling them I changed my mind and had one of his little mini cheeseburgers…) I opted for a banana walnut muffin and iced cappuccino from Tim Hortons. Yeah, not very figure friendly, but it could have been a WHOLE lot worse. Dinner that night was even better…grilled chicken and cold sesame noodles and also a half of a cob of corn on the cob.
Saturday was the day Brian and I were leaving Mason with my mom while we went camping to celebrate our anniversary a week late. The weather didn’t cooperate and we just went into the city and did some shopping and saw a movie. We had planned on going out to a nice dinner that night but I was missing my boo boo (my son’s nickname) and my mom had made lasagna. Sounded good to us, so went and had dinner there.
Today it is beyond hot and I have been sweating my ass off all day long. Hot and humid = no appetite for me. I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast and snacked on some cheezit’s before lunch. We had pizza again….but I stopped eating before I was full.
All in all, I didn’t have the greatest weekend for food, but I am proud of the fact that I never over ate and I didn’t eat anything I didn’t enjoy. For the most part, I also chose healthier options over greasy, fast food. Tomorrow I will remember this and strive to do much better. It’s time to me to stop messing around and commit to a healthier lifestyle.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
So, for now I am satisfied with making healthier decisions. Yesterday I beat myself up for not being strictly on program and today I decided that it's not the end of the world if I don't count points...I just need to eat mindfully and choose the healthier alternative.
Now if you'll excuse me I'm off to enjoy a late dinner of sauteed chicken and couscous with toasted pine nuts. Yum.
Monday, August 3, 2009
To sum it up, I have joined Weight Watchers Online. I have been struggling with staying on program, so I thought it might help to start a blog that I will post daily, describing my struggles and successes that I encounter each day. There are so many obvious as well as personal reasons why I NEED, HAVE, and WANT to succeed...I will share those eventually. Until then, I welcome any and all comments/feedback/support.
Day 1-Monday, Aug. 3
Sometimes I wish that I didn’t have to go to bed. LOL…what I mean is that before I go to bed I make a list of the tasks I am going to accomplish the next day. These tasks are usually pretty optimistic and developed while I am feeling very motivated. Like last night, for example. I made a short list of things that you’d think I would have no problem doing. I was determined and sure that I would get them done today. I was going to get up at 6:30 am, a half hour before Mason usually wakes up, and do my workout video. I was going to finish organizing my bedroom and put laundry away. Of course when my alarm goes off at 6:30 I am dead to the world and want nothing more but to sleep until Mason wakes up. Well, that I did…but I have decided to take a bike ride after Brian gets home from work. Rain or shine…or at least that’s the plan. Those other things on my list…not done yet either. But I still have a few hours…so I’ll worry about it later.
Food-wise I have done alright. Toast with peanut butter for breakfast, yogurt and a Fiber One bar for a snack, homemade black bean soup and a Lean Cuisine chicken pizza. I’m still hungry after all this; and it’s only a little past noon. I had a banana…then I had 2 servings of mini-chips ahoy cookies. Sigh. I can still count it, but that only leaves me 4 points to play with after my chili for dinner. I need to get creative…and have a massive plate of green veggies along side my chili. But I can do it. I HAVE to do it. Day 1 is always the hardest.
The little one is taking a nap…I am going to do the same. I’ll cross more things off my list later.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
I am on day 2. My goal this week is to count every single point, every day. Except of course for my cheat day :) I need to exercise as well, and I will try very hard to do so, but I am not going to agonize over it yet. So far so good. I haven't waivered. I haven't cheated. I haven't given in and had that burger I wanted the other day.
I will lose weight this time. I'm just taking it one day at a time.