Sunday, August 30, 2009

Making Some Changes

I thought I should write a list of the changes I have gone through both physically and emotionally since getting pregnant 2 years ago. I figure if I can acknowledge them, I can try to fix them. I gained about 50-60 lbs. after getting engaged back in 2003. I maintained that gain for about 4 years until I got pregnant with Mason. I of course was unhappy with the weight I had gained, but not nearly as unhappy as I am now. I gained about 38 lbs. over the course of my pregnancy. I actually lost a few pounds during the first few months (horrible morning/all day sickness) and didn't start gaining weight until I was about 12 weeks along.

I had a C-Section, and I remember the first time I saw the aftermath. My stomach, that is. I got HUGE with Mason. Not fat, but my stomach was freaking ginormous. It looked like there was more than one baby in there, and strangers felt the need to point that out to me. But after the baby was out, my stomach was still big, but now instead of a cute baby bump, it was ugly and there was hanging skin from where it stretched out. This was 18 months ago. A year and a half. And guess what? I STILL LOOK 9 MONTHS PREGNANT!!!!!! It is embarrassing. Sure, I lost about 25 lbs the first month after Mason was born, but I gained it back. And then some. What the hell???

So, back to the list. Here is the list of what what has happened, and also how I plan to fix myself. Or try to, anyway.

1. The obvious, bulging, saggy, belly. I no longer wish to look pregnant. Especially since I'm NOT. I plan to fix this (at least reduce it) by exercising and sticking to Weight Watchers.
2. Enormous boobs. Yeah, you'd think this wouldn't be a problem. Losing weight should help this.
3. More chins than a Chinese phone book. Haha...lame, I know. I'd like just one, please.
4. To look my age. Being fat makes you look older than you are. I am 25. Not 35. (No offense to those over 35 ;) I just am not there yet.)
5. The sagging, flappy arm things need to go. Along with the fat fingers, hands, legs, and arms. Paint me orange and dye my hair and I could pass for an oompa loompa. Again, exercise.....
6. The inner tube around my waist and the multiple rolls of fat around my upper body/waist. Those have GOT to go. Sigh....more exercise.

I realize this is getting long, and I think it might not be written in a very organized manner...but I have so many things I want to say, so bear with me.

As far as emotional changes, I realize I have become withdrawn, lethargic at times, extremely tired often and lacking energy. Like I said, I'm 25 years old. I shouldn't feel like this. I had post partum depression really bad last winter. We live in a town where we don't know anyone except Brian's parents, and they go to FL from Sept-May. Brian works alot, and I stay at home with Mason and take classes online. I don't have any friends or family nearby so it got lonely. And I got depressed. I slept when Mason did and stayed home most of the time. Since I was tired and depressed I had no oomph to be active or exercise. I still get a little blue occasionally, but it's better. I have joined MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers) and I am hoping to make some friends through that, and schedule playdates for Mason and I. I'm going to make myself be more active, and take advantage of being able to walk and play outside with Mason while the weather still permits it.

I have a ways to go, and many changes to make. I'll get there, though.

1 comment:

Daphne said...

I had a C-section and post-partum depression too, and I was in a much easier situation than you've been with all my family and friends around me. Eventually, it got easier and I admire your determination to get everything sorted, including your weight.