Sunday, December 13, 2009


It's been awhile since my last blog, so it's probably best to start with an update.

As of yesterday, I am officially a college graduate!! Well, almost. I graduated yesterday, but I still have exams this week. So to actually get my diploma I have to pass my exams. I don't know why they do that. It's like, ok here's your diploma, but if you don't pass your exams we'll take it back. (Insert evil laugh here). I've been looking for a job without much success. Houghton Lake is not the place to be while looking for a job. Neither is the entire state of Michigan, but at least I'd have a chance in a bigger city. I do, however, have an interview tomorrow afternoon at Firstbank. It's only part time, but that's better than nothing!

In June we are planning to move back to the Lansing area. We'll rent first, and hopefully be able to get a house within a year or so. The biggest reason we're moving is because most of my family lives downstate and my mom lives very close by. I want Mason to be able to get to know his extended family as well. This is pretty much impossible while living up north. 3 hours one way isn't the ideal day trip with a toddler.

As far as my diet goes, well, it was pretty much non-existent for a few months. I tried just eating in moderation for a few weeks. It went pretty well the first week, but went down hill after that. I was even working out on our elliptical. I am fully aware that I am severly overweight...obese even. I'm not blind...I really have been trying to do something about it, actively now, for over a year. I've had successes, but mostly I've had failure. I went to visit my mom for a few days in November. I was nagging at her about quitting smoking. You see, I used to be a smoker. I only smoked for a few years, but that's a few years too many in my book! I quit in February 2006. I have no desire to start again, and I think you could even call me a smoking snob now. I hate the smell of it, I don't want to be around it, I refuse to bring Mason around it. But anyway, I was driving in the car with my mom, nagging her to quit. I said it was the hardest thing I have done, but was well worth it. Next my mom says, "Now all you have to do is lose weight". Yep. She said it. And I know it wasn't meant to hurt my feelings. But of course it did. It was like a slap in the face. Like I said, I am WELL AWARE of my weight problem. I don't like to be fat. I don't want to be fat. I just haven't had any luck so far with getting it off. My mom is not fat. She's quite the opposite. Very skinny. I obviously didn't get those genes. I think I either offended or annoyed her by telling her to quit smoking, because she said that telling someone to lose weight is just as hard as telling someone to quit smoking. As a former smoker, a former "skinny" person, and a current fat person, that is absolutely NOT true. There's a huge difference.

When people would tell me I should quit smoking, I got annoyed. Obviously I knew that smoking is bad for you. It can kill you. It is expensive. Etc, etc. Telling me to quit smoking didn't hurt my feelings. It didn't make me feel bad about myself and it didn't hurt my self-esteem. When you tell someone they need to lose weight, you will probably hurt their feelings. You will probably also hurt their self-esteem. When it's your mother telling you that you need to lose weight...the person who is supposed to support you and be there for just plain sucks. I've never really discussed in detail with my mom how much weight I've gained, how much I need to lose, my struggles, etc., because she's not fat. She's never been fat. She doesn't understand. Weight has always been an issue in my life, even when I was skinny. My step-dad used to make fun of my weight (when there was no problem) and kids at school used to call me the "big fat hippo". Cruel. But I don't get it...I WASN'T fat then. I'm fat now, and I WISH that my family would have been more helpful and supportive during those years as a child going into my teenage years with a little chub, and told me that it's normal for girls to be taller and have extra "fat" when they're young. Even in high school when I was skinny, I wore t shirts in the pool. Now I don't even like to go near a pool, or any body of water. And I wouldn't, if it weren't for my son.

I don't want to deprive him of having fun and spending time outdoors because I am self conscious of the way I look. So I suck it up and do it anyway.

I have totally gone way off track here....oh, yes, my diet. I have been back on Weight Watchers going on 3 weeks and it's gone well for the most part. I lost 3.6 the first week and 1.6 last week. My goal is to lose 10 lbs. by Christmas. I think I may reach that goal.

So there you have it. An update of the past few months, as well as a ridiculous rant about my childhood, lol. I have an interview to prepare for, as well as some studying to do. I'll try to be better about keeping up with my Blog.