Sunday, October 3, 2010

Excuses, Excuses....

I was full of them all weekend. I'm sick...I'm tired....I don't have time...etc., etc. I allowed myself to completely gorge myself on any food in sight. Even when I wasn't hungry. How stupid!!!??? Right now I am so completely bloated and miserable that the pants that fit on Monday are now unbuttoned because of how tight they are. I have to learn that life happens...not every day is going to be without struggle, without complications. I can't just blow the progress I've made because I have a bad day. And if I do have a bad day, I need to get over it, and start the next one brand new, and on the right foot. I will NEVER reach my goals this way.

Thanks to my MIL, I've decided to really think about what it is I want, what my ultimate goal is.
In order to do that, I need to have a plan. So, I've thought about the answers to the following questions:
1. What is your biggest problem. (Have the tools you need close at hand)
2. Pick a main goal (Get it done; perfect it later). my biggest problem is junk food. Oh, and lack of exercise. Junk food....m&m's, brownies, Mocha's from Biggby and McDonald' in order to overcome these obstacles I need to have a plan. Most of what I crave is chocolate. So Fiber One bars are a good substitute for me. They're only 2 points and are sweet and delicious. If I keep a box of them in my car, I will always have a go-to snack, and not be tempted by the more fattening options out there. As far as the Mocha's go...I can't afford to buy one every day, and should be spending my points more wisely, so I'll shoot for only having 2 a week. That way, I'll have something to look forward to. In the meantime, I will have regular coffee with fat free creamer.

My main goal is to lose 120 lbs. I plan to have more kids, so I don't expect to lose that weight any time soon. So, I think I'll have a short term goal, and a long term goal. The long term goal being the 120 lbs. to lose. The short term goal, I think will be to lose 30 lbs. before having another child. Losing all weight gained during the pregnancy, and then another 30 lbs. before having another child.

One day at a time. That's all I can do.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Day of Rest

I was supposed to work this morning at 6am. But I was still feeling like crap at 930 last night. Before I went to bed I reluctantly called in...I hate doing that! Especially with such short notice..but I figured it was better that night instead of the next morning. I ended up sleeping off and on from 1030pm-930am. I probably could have slept alot longer, but my hubby was sick too and I wanted him to be able to have a nap before he had to go to work this afternoon.

Mason and I had a rough morning, but after his nap, I felt a little better. I was determined to have a better evening with him, so we set out to Hobby Lobby so I could find some ideas for crafts and projects for him. I had no luck, though. He really wanted to go to the park, so that's where we went next. It was beautiful out today, about 70 and sunny. The fresh air did us good, and afterwards we went to the mall for dinner. My plan was to go to Subway and get a sub. Little did I know, there was no longer a Subway in the mall. There was a Charley's Grilled Sub shop. I did the best I could. I got a grilled turkey and cheese sub...and yes, I did get fries. I was planning to count the points. I didn't have any dressing on the sub, it was just turkey, lettuce, and barely any cheese. I got gypped on the cheese, but kind of glad I did. I also didn't eat all the fries. I could have done better, but I think I did well given the circumstances. Mason ate well, and since he was so well behaved at the other stores we went to, I rewared him with a small root beer. He was super excited. We went to Old Navy where I found him an adorable Halloween costume. He even picked it out! I gave him the choice between a Giraffe, Monkey, or Tiger. He picked the Tiger. He's gonna be so cute!

After he went to bed, I put my food into my online points calculator and I ended up using some Flex points. But I think I'm ok with that! :)

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Sick and Tired

Literally. I'm sick and tired. The cold I started to get yesterday is in full force today. Head stuffed, nose stuffed, ears plugged, eyes watery and itchy. My ribs even hurt from sneezing so much. And I went to work today, and have to work at 6am tomorrow morning and 7am Thursday morning. Lucky me!

I was so proud of myself this morning. I poured a cup of coffee when I got to work. Eyeballed some creamer, about 4 T. worth. When I discovered I couldn't taste I just decided to dump it out. No point wasting points on something I can't taste, and something I didn't measure exactly. Yay me! I choked down a Fiber One Bar and then was actually hungry a little later and had some Multi-Grain Cheerios. 2 Glasses of water down by 9am. I work at a group home for developmentally disabled adults, which I love! Today I took 2 of the girls to volunteer at the Humane Society where they brushed cute little kitties and gave them some TLC. Then we went and had some lunch at Taco Bell. I had a combo with 2 chalupas (you know, the deep fried good!) and a hard shell taco. I felt satisfied after the chalupas and saved my taco.

By the time I got home at 330 I was dragging some serious behind. I felt like crap and was ready for a nap. But naps don't exactly happen when you have a 2.5 year old! Mason and I played computer games on the PBS website, played with water, colored, played Dr., had dinner, and took a bath. When he was asleep at 8 I made some hot tea and oatmeal. Including the chalupas I had for lunch, I still have 4.5 points left! Now it's time to enjoy my show and hopefully get some sleep. Mason's got a cough now and I'm not sure if it'll get better or worse tonight....fingers crossed.

Monday, September 27, 2010

A Day From Hell

I weighed myself this morning. I gained 2.2 lbs. Yes, it sucks, but I sucked last week and prepared myself for suckiness on the scale. Last night I was pumped to start the week. I was ready to be excited about eating healthy again and ready to start exercising again. Before you start shaking your finger at me, I'll tell you that I have been counting today. Everything.

That being said, today has been hell. My 2 1/2 year old son hasn't been sleeping very well. I'll write about the events leading up to that eventually. But we recently started him on Melatonin to help him sleep at night. He hasn't slept all night in over a week. I actually couldn't tell you the last time he slept all night. But last night was by far the worst night he's ever had. Even when he was a newborn. He was wide awake at 1am ready to go downstairs. He came into my bedroom and said, "Nice nap?" Which is what he says whenever he wakes up. I went into his room and layed down with him to try to get him back to sleep. I failed. Every time he would fall asleep, it wasn't a deep sleep. He'd start talking or fidgeting in his sleep and wake up when I got up to go back to my own room. I tried for 2 hours. So next it was my husband's turn. He tried for 2 hours. Finally, at 6am I just got up. Changed his diaper, put his clothes on, and drug my exhausted behind downstairs to give him breakfast.

His "terrible two" stage has been in full force for a few weeks, and I was not in the mood for it this morning. He asked for Cheerios, so I started to pour some. Then he started screaming, "NOOOOO I want Kix!!!!!" So I put the Cheerios away and started to pour the Kix. I set him at the table to eat and he started chowing down. There was a pile of dishes in the sink left from the night before that I started to load in the dishwasher. BIG mistake. Mason ate about half of his cereal and then dumped them on the table. "Dumping" is his new thing. He dumps everything out. If I forget to put a glass of water up out of his reach, he'll dump it out and proudly state, "I dumped." Makes me want to rip my hair out. So he's been in several time outs for this act, and he's got the routine down. When I first started giving him time outs, I'd call him over to me when his time was over, and ask him why he was in time out. If he didn't answer I would tell him. Then he'd apologize and I'd give him a hug. Now I don't even have to ask why he was in time out. He runs over to me and asks, "Why time out?" And so I'll ask, "Why?" And he says, "I dumped." It's so frusterating. So it's not even 7am and Mason's had a time out already. Not a good way to start the day.

The rest of the morning was actually not too bad. We took a shower, got ready to go, and went to Wal Mart to get him darkening curtains for his room. I'll try anything to help him sleep at this point. Then we went to a playdate at the church until 11am. We came home and I gave him a snack and layed him down for a nap. By this time I am constantly sneezing and my nose is running. I realize I have another cold. I just had one about 3 weeks ago! I feel like total crap, and not even able to finish a bowl of soup, I went upstairs to lay down. Did I sleep? Hell no. Thanks to the Fire Dept. across the street who must have left and came back every 15 minutes with their loud ass sirens and engines. And it seemed like every one of our neighbors were mowing their lawns. And then Mason woke up. Cranky like usual. I tried to make him lunch, but he wanted a snack. I gave him a few crackers while I made him some fish sticks and carrots and he was fine until I sat him at the table. He didn't want it. I was in no mood for temper tantrums so I threw it away. After about an hour of fighting, I finally let him have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It seems like all I do is yell at him lately, so I just decided this wasn't worth it anymore and gave him a damn sandwich. We'll work on that later...we have bigger problems!

We went for a drive so I could get a latte. Skim milk, no whip cream, and sugar free, thank you very much. was my second one of the day. I counted the points for both though. We drove around for a bit just so I could regain some of my sanity and patience. When we got home, I got some dry pasta and measuring cups out for him to play with. That lasted a whole 3 minutes before he started throwing them around the house, locating my glass of water and dumping it out on the floor. Time out #2. We then tried to make pasta art, by gluing them on paper. Again, lasting a whole 3 minutes before throwing them around the living room. After several prompts I got him to help me pick up, and then we tried several other activites. I'm still feeling like crap, wanting to eat everything in the house, but typing this is helping me control myself. I'm going to start dinner now, knowing I'll have to dip into my weekly points, but I don't care. The fact that I managed to count every point today and NOT go into an eating frenzy is pretty monumental for me.

My hubby is on his way home from work, so I'll be going up to my room to rest for a little while so that I can come down and spend time with myfamily without blowing another gasket. :) This day may have been hell, but diet wise it wasn't so bad.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Brush Yourself Off and Try Again

This weekend was an eating free-for-all and I've done some thinking. I think I have been unknowingly sabotoging my success. I do good for a day or two, start to slip, and then allow myself to completely fall on my ass. I go to the store and by Nutella, knowing it's like crack to me. I buy sugary cereal, knowing I'll have more than one bowl. Or I buy full fat creamer knowing that I need alot to actually enjoy the taste of the coffee. So I have decided to set 3 goals for the week. I think I'll set 3 goals each week to keep myself on track. They don't always have to be different goals, either. If I need to work on something longer, I'll continue to keep it as a goal for the next week. So here are my goals for this week:

1. Don't buy cookies, chocolate, brownies, ice cream, and things like that for at least 2-3 weeks. Food is like a drug during the first few weeks to me until my body is used to eating more healthy things, and not junk all the time. So until I can control myself, I'm going to treat myself to sugar free pudding or a 100-calorie pack.
2. Count points more carefully.
3. Exercise at least every other day, if not more often.

I forgot to weigh myself this morning, so tomorrow morning I'll see what the damage is. I won't be discouraged, though. I am prepared for a gain. If I didn't gain, I'll be thrilled.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Almost, But Not Quite

Ready to start the day off right this morning, I had a Fiber One Bar to hold me off until I got to work. We have bagels at work, and I really wanted one! 7 Points for a whole bagel with cream cheese is TOTALLY worth it to me. And instead of stopping off to spend $3-5 on a coffee from Biggby Coffee or McDonald's, I have been experimenting with flavored coffee creamers. I don't like the fat free ones, so I've been using the full fat ones. I don't think the online point calculator figured the points out right, so I think I've been going over my points with the creamer. This means I need to learn how to like the fat free creamers because I use 3-4 Tablespoons of the stuff in my coffee. It can't taste like coffee, you know!

Anyway, I had Healthy Request Chicken Sausage Gumbo Soup for lunch, along with 2 more cups of coffee and 2 glasses of water. I may have over-done it with the coffee, but I definitely got my daily water in by 3 pm. For dinner I had planned to make pizza using the pre-made whole wheat crust, mozzarella cheese, lean ham, and pineapple. I opened the crust, and it was moldy. Crap. Sooo I had leftovers. Beef and noodles I made the other day. THE best roast I have ever made in my life, homemade gravy, and noodles. OMG. Yum! I measured out a small portion, counted the points as best as I could, and even had 8 points left for the night. I planned to pick up a treat for later.

And I did...I got Nutella. Bad idea. I could eat the stuff out of the jar with a spoon. ALL of it. I had a Nutella sammy on whole wheat bread. Ok, so not that bad. 4 points for the Nutella, 3 points for the bread. So I didn't do too bad today....but not being more precise with the points for creamer is still bothering me. I think I need to lay off the coffee, and get out my points slider and figure it out myself for next time. :)

Tomorrow will be even better yet. If I don't show a loss on Sunday, I will be ok with that. Afterall, I didn't do as good as I know I can.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Here We Go Again

Yep, you guessed it. The Weight Watcher's thing. I've been off of it since April, but not doing too bad. I actually lost about 10 pounds over the summer, but I still have alot of weight to lose. I was tired of not losing anymore, so on Monday I signed up for WW Online again. I did awesome on Monday, pretty good on Tuesday, but Wednesday and Today just sucked. Today I actually found myself eating uncontrollably and I didn't know why. I was instantly disgusted with myself and was in a bad mood for the rest of the night. I felt full, fat, and frusterated. I HATE feeling like that. I was short tempered and impatient with Mason, which I hate even more.

After he fell asleep, I said a prayer, and felt a little better. I decided to not allow myself to wallow in self-pity anymore. Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow I will do better. Tomorrow I will not be cranky....even if I am sleep deprived yet again.