Mason's Mommy's Gettin' Hot!

Excuses, Excuses....

2010-10-03T19:50:00.001-07:00

I was full of them all weekend. I'm sick...I'm tired....I don't have time...etc., etc. I allowed myself to completely gorge myself on any food in sight. Even when I wasn't hungry. How stupid!!!??? Right now I am so completely bloated and miserable that the pants that fit on Monday are now unbuttoned because of how tight they are. I have to learn that life happens...not every day is going to be without struggle, without complications. I can't just blow the progress I've made because I have a bad day. And if I do have a bad day, I need to get over it, and start the next one brand new, and on the right foot. I will NEVER reach my goals this way.

Thanks to my MIL, I've decided to really think about what it is I want, what my ultimate goal is.
In order to do that, I need to have a plan. So, I've thought about the answers to the following questions:
1. What is your biggest problem. (Have the tools you need close at hand)
2. Pick a main goal (Get it done; perfect it later).

Ok....so my biggest problem is junk food. Oh, and lack of exercise. Junk food....m&m's, brownies, Mocha's from Biggby and McDonald's....so in order to overcome these obstacles I need to have a plan. Most of what I crave is chocolate. So Fiber One bars are a good substitute for me. They're only 2 points and are sweet and delicious. If I keep a box of them in my car, I will always have a go-to snack, and not be tempted by the more fattening options out there. As far as the Mocha's go...I can't afford to buy one every day, and should be spending my points more wisely, so I'll shoot for only having 2 a week. That way, I'll have something to look forward to. In the meantime, I will have regular coffee with fat free creamer.

My main goal is to lose 120 lbs. I plan to have more kids, so I don't expect to lose that weight any time soon. So, I think I'll have a short term goal, and a long term goal. The long term goal being the 120 lbs. to lose. The short term goal, I think will be to lose 30 lbs. before having another child. Losing all weight gained during the pregnancy, and then another 30 lbs. before having another child.

One day at a time. That's all I can do.

Day of Rest

2010-09-29T19:17:00.000-07:00

I was supposed to work this morning at 6am. But I was still feeling like crap at 930 last night. Before I went to bed I reluctantly called in...I hate doing that! Especially with such short notice..but I figured it was better that night instead of the next morning. I ended up sleeping off and on from 1030pm-930am. I probably could have slept alot longer, but my hubby was sick too and I wanted him to be able to have a nap before he had to go to work this afternoon.

Mason and I had a rough morning, but after his nap, I felt a little better. I was determined to have a better evening with him, so we set out to Hobby Lobby so I could find some ideas for crafts and projects for him. I had no luck, though. He really wanted to go to the park, so that's where we went next. It was beautiful out today, about 70 and sunny. The fresh air did us good, and afterwards we went to the mall for dinner. My plan was to go to Subway and get a sub. Little did I know, there was no longer a Subway in the mall. There was a Charley's Grilled Sub shop. Sighhhhhh......so I did the best I could. I got a grilled turkey and cheese sub...and yes, I did get fries. I was planning to count the points. I didn't have any dressing on the sub, it was just turkey, lettuce, and barely any cheese. I got gypped on the cheese, but kind of glad I did. I also didn't eat all the fries. I could have done better, but I think I did well given the circumstances. Mason ate well, and since he was so well behaved at the other stores we went to, I rewared him with a small root beer. He was super excited. We went to Old Navy where I found him an adorable Halloween costume. He even picked it out! I gave him the choice between a Giraffe, Monkey, or Tiger. He picked the Tiger. He's gonna be so cute!

After he went to bed, I put my food into my online points calculator and I ended up using some Flex points. But I think I'm ok with that! :)

Sick and Tired

2010-09-28T17:16:00.000-07:00

Literally. I'm sick and tired. The cold I started to get yesterday is in full force today. Head stuffed, nose stuffed, ears plugged, eyes watery and itchy. My ribs even hurt from sneezing so much. And I went to work today, and have to work at 6am tomorrow morning and 7am Thursday morning. Lucky me!

I was so proud of myself this morning. I poured a cup of coffee when I got to work. Eyeballed some creamer, about 4 T. worth. When I discovered I couldn't taste I just decided to dump it out. No point wasting points on something I can't taste, and something I didn't measure exactly. Yay me! I choked down a Fiber One Bar and then was actually hungry a little later and had some Multi-Grain Cheerios. 2 Glasses of water down by 9am. I work at a group home for developmentally disabled adults, which I love! Today I took 2 of the girls to volunteer at the Humane Society where they brushed cute little kitties and gave them some TLC. Then we went and had some lunch at Taco Bell. I had a combo with 2 chalupas (you know, the deep fried shells....so good!) and a hard shell taco. I felt satisfied after the chalupas and saved my taco.

By the time I got home at 330 I was dragging some serious behind. I felt like crap and was ready for a nap. But naps don't exactly happen when you have a 2.5 year old! Mason and I played computer games on the PBS website, played with water, colored, played Dr., had dinner, and took a bath. When he was asleep at 8 I made some hot tea and oatmeal. Including the chalupas I had for lunch, I still have 4.5 points left! Now it's time to enjoy my show and hopefully get some sleep. Mason's got a cough now and I'm not sure if it'll get better or worse tonight....fingers crossed.

A Day From Hell

2010-09-27T13:38:00.000-07:00

I weighed myself this morning. I gained 2.2 lbs. Yes, it sucks, but I sucked last week and prepared myself for suckiness on the scale. Last night I was pumped to start the week. I was ready to be excited about eating healthy again and ready to start exercising again. Before you start shaking your finger at me, I'll tell you that I have been counting today. Everything.

That being said, today has been hell. My 2 1/2 year old son hasn't been sleeping very well. I'll write about the events leading up to that eventually. But we recently started him on Melatonin to help him sleep at night. He hasn't slept all night in over a week. I actually couldn't tell you the last time he slept all night. But last night was by far the worst night he's ever had. Even when he was a newborn. He was wide awake at 1am ready to go downstairs. He came into my bedroom and said, "Nice nap?" Which is what he says whenever he wakes up. I went into his room and layed down with him to try to get him back to sleep. I failed. Every time he would fall asleep, it wasn't a deep sleep. He'd start talking or fidgeting in his sleep and wake up when I got up to go back to my own room. I tried for 2 hours. So next it was my husband's turn. He tried for 2 hours. Finally, at 6am I just got up. Changed his diaper, put his clothes on, and drug my exhausted behind downstairs to give him breakfast.

His "terrible two" stage has been in full force for a few weeks, and I was not in the mood for it this morning. He asked for Cheerios, so I started to pour some. Then he started screaming, "NOOOOO I want Kix!!!!!" So I put the Cheerios away and started to pour the Kix. I set him at the table to eat and he started chowing down. There was a pile of dishes in the sink left from the night before that I started to load in the dishwasher. BIG mistake. Mason ate about half of his cereal and then dumped them on the table. "Dumping" is his new thing. He dumps everything out. If I forget to put a glass of water up out of his reach, he'll dump it out and proudly state, "I dumped." Makes me want to rip my hair out. So he's been in several time outs for this act, and he's got the routine down. When I first started giving him time outs, I'd call him over to me when his time was over, and ask him why he was in time out. If he didn't answer I would tell him. Then he'd apologize and I'd give him a hug. Now I don't even have to ask why he was in time out. He runs over to me and asks, "Why time out?" And so I'll ask, "Why?" And he says, "I dumped." It's so frusterating. So it's not even 7am and Mason's had a time out already. Not a good way to start the day.

The rest of the morning was actually not too bad. We took a shower, got ready to go, and went to Wal Mart to get him darkening curtains for his room. I'll try anything to help him sleep at this point. Then we went to a playdate at the church until 11am. We came home and I gave him a snack and layed him down for a nap. By this time I am constantly sneezing and my nose is running. I realize I have another cold. I just had one about 3 weeks ago! I feel like total crap, and not even able to finish a bowl of soup, I went upstairs to lay down. Did I sleep? Hell no. Thanks to the Fire Dept. across the street who must have left and came back every 15 minutes with their loud ass sirens and engines. And it seemed like every one of our neighbors were mowing their lawns. And then Mason woke up. Cranky like usual. I tried to make him lunch, but he wanted a snack. I gave him a few crackers while I made him some fish sticks and carrots and he was fine until I sat him at the table. He didn't want it. I was in no mood for temper tantrums so I threw it away. After about an hour of fighting, I finally let him have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It seems like all I do is yell at him lately, so I just decided this wasn't worth it anymore and gave him a damn sandwich. We'll work on that later...we have bigger problems!

We went for a drive so I could get a latte. Skim milk, no whip cream, and sugar free, thank you very much. Buutttt....it was my second one of the day. I counted the points for both though. We drove around for a bit just so I could regain some of my sanity and patience. When we got home, I got some dry pasta and measuring cups out for him to play with. That lasted a whole 3 minutes before he started throwing them around the house, locating my glass of water and dumping it out on the floor. Time out #2. We then tried to make pasta art, by gluing them on paper. Again, lasting a whole 3 minutes before throwing them around the living room. After several prompts I got him to help me pick up, and then we tried several other activites. I'm still feeling like crap, wanting to eat everything in the house, but typing this is helping me control myself. I'm going to start dinner now, knowing I'll have to dip into my weekly points, but I don't care. The fact that I managed to count every point today and NOT go into an eating frenzy is pretty monumental for me.

My hubby is on his way home from work, so I'll be going up to my room to rest for a little while so that I can come down and spend time with myfamily without blowing another gasket. :) This day may have been hell, but diet wise it wasn't so bad.

Brush Yourself Off and Try Again

2010-09-26T11:36:00.000-07:00

This weekend was an eating free-for-all and I've done some thinking. I think I have been unknowingly sabotoging my success. I do good for a day or two, start to slip, and then allow myself to completely fall on my ass. I go to the store and by Nutella, knowing it's like crack to me. I buy sugary cereal, knowing I'll have more than one bowl. Or I buy full fat creamer knowing that I need alot to actually enjoy the taste of the coffee. So I have decided to set 3 goals for the week. I think I'll set 3 goals each week to keep myself on track. They don't always have to be different goals, either. If I need to work on something longer, I'll continue to keep it as a goal for the next week. So here are my goals for this week:

1. Don't buy cookies, chocolate, brownies, ice cream, and things like that for at least 2-3 weeks. Food is like a drug during the first few weeks to me until my body is used to eating more healthy things, and not junk all the time. So until I can control myself, I'm going to treat myself to sugar free pudding or a 100-calorie pack.
2. Count points more carefully.
3. Exercise at least every other day, if not more often.

I forgot to weigh myself this morning, so tomorrow morning I'll see what the damage is. I won't be discouraged, though. I am prepared for a gain. If I didn't gain, I'll be thrilled.

Almost, But Not Quite

2010-09-24T18:25:00.000-07:00

Ready to start the day off right this morning, I had a Fiber One Bar to hold me off until I got to work. We have bagels at work, and I really wanted one! 7 Points for a whole bagel with cream cheese is TOTALLY worth it to me. And instead of stopping off to spend $3-5 on a coffee from Biggby Coffee or McDonald's, I have been experimenting with flavored coffee creamers. I don't like the fat free ones, so I've been using the full fat ones. I don't think the online point calculator figured the points out right, so I think I've been going over my points with the creamer. This means I need to learn how to like the fat free creamers because I use 3-4 Tablespoons of the stuff in my coffee. It can't taste like coffee, you know!

Anyway, I had Healthy Request Chicken Sausage Gumbo Soup for lunch, along with 2 more cups of coffee and 2 glasses of water. I may have over-done it with the coffee, but I definitely got my daily water in by 3 pm. For dinner I had planned to make pizza using the pre-made whole wheat crust, mozzarella cheese, lean ham, and pineapple. I opened the crust, and it was moldy. Crap. Sooo I had leftovers. Beef and noodles I made the other day. THE best roast I have ever made in my life, homemade gravy, and noodles. OMG. Yum! I measured out a small portion, counted the points as best as I could, and even had 8 points left for the night. I planned to pick up a treat for later.

And I did...I got Nutella. Bad idea. I could eat the stuff out of the jar with a spoon. ALL of it. I had a Nutella sammy on whole wheat bread. Ok, so not that bad. 4 points for the Nutella, 3 points for the bread. So I didn't do too bad today....but not being more precise with the points for creamer is still bothering me. I think I need to lay off the coffee, and get out my points slider and figure it out myself for next time. :)

Tomorrow will be even better yet. If I don't show a loss on Sunday, I will be ok with that. Afterall, I didn't do as good as I know I can.

Here We Go Again

2010-09-23T18:11:00.000-07:00

Yep, you guessed it. The Weight Watcher's thing. I've been off of it since April, but not doing too bad. I actually lost about 10 pounds over the summer, but I still have alot of weight to lose. I was tired of not losing anymore, so on Monday I signed up for WW Online again. I did awesome on Monday, pretty good on Tuesday, but Wednesday and Today just sucked. Today I actually found myself eating uncontrollably and I didn't know why. I was instantly disgusted with myself and was in a bad mood for the rest of the night. I felt full, fat, and frusterated. I HATE feeling like that. I was short tempered and impatient with Mason, which I hate even more.

After he fell asleep, I said a prayer, and felt a little better. I decided to not allow myself to wallow in self-pity anymore. Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow I will do better. Tomorrow I will not be cranky....even if I am sleep deprived yet again.

Updates

2009-12-13T16:53:00.001-08:00

It's been awhile since my last blog, so it's probably best to start with an update.

As of yesterday, I am officially a college graduate!! Well, almost. I graduated yesterday, but I still have exams this week. So to actually get my diploma I have to pass my exams. I don't know why they do that. It's like, ok here's your diploma, but if you don't pass your exams we'll take it back. (Insert evil laugh here). I've been looking for a job without much success. Houghton Lake is not the place to be while looking for a job. Neither is the entire state of Michigan, but at least I'd have a chance in a bigger city. I do, however, have an interview tomorrow afternoon at Firstbank. It's only part time, but that's better than nothing!

In June we are planning to move back to the Lansing area. We'll rent first, and hopefully be able to get a house within a year or so. The biggest reason we're moving is because most of my family lives downstate and my mom lives very close by. I want Mason to be able to get to know his extended family as well. This is pretty much impossible while living up north. 3 hours one way isn't the ideal day trip with a toddler.

As far as my diet goes, well, it was pretty much non-existent for a few months. I tried just eating in moderation for a few weeks. It went pretty well the first week, but went down hill after that. I was even working out on our elliptical. I am fully aware that I am severly overweight...obese even. I'm not blind...I really have been trying to do something about it, actively now, for over a year. I've had successes, but mostly I've had failure. I went to visit my mom for a few days in November. I was nagging at her about quitting smoking. You see, I used to be a smoker. I only smoked for a few years, but that's a few years too many in my book! I quit in February 2006. I have no desire to start again, and I think you could even call me a smoking snob now. I hate the smell of it, I don't want to be around it, I refuse to bring Mason around it. But anyway, I was driving in the car with my mom, nagging her to quit. I said it was the hardest thing I have done, but was well worth it. Next my mom says, "Now all you have to do is lose weight". Yep. She said it. And I know it wasn't meant to hurt my feelings. But of course it did. It was like a slap in the face. Like I said, I am WELL AWARE of my weight problem. I don't like to be fat. I don't want to be fat. I just haven't had any luck so far with getting it off. My mom is not fat. She's quite the opposite. Very skinny. I obviously didn't get those genes. I think I either offended or annoyed her by telling her to quit smoking, because she said that telling someone to lose weight is just as hard as telling someone to quit smoking. As a former smoker, a former "skinny" person, and a current fat person, that is absolutely NOT true. There's a huge difference.

When people would tell me I should quit smoking, I got annoyed. Obviously I knew that smoking is bad for you. It can kill you. It is expensive. Etc, etc. Telling me to quit smoking didn't hurt my feelings. It didn't make me feel bad about myself and it didn't hurt my self-esteem. When you tell someone they need to lose weight, you will probably hurt their feelings. You will probably also hurt their self-esteem. When it's your mother telling you that you need to lose weight...the person who is supposed to support you and be there for you...it just plain sucks. I've never really discussed in detail with my mom how much weight I've gained, how much I need to lose, my struggles, etc., because she's not fat. She's never been fat. She doesn't understand. Weight has always been an issue in my life, even when I was skinny. My step-dad used to make fun of my weight (when there was no problem) and kids at school used to call me the "big fat hippo". Cruel. But I don't get it...I WASN'T fat then. I'm fat now, and I WISH that my family would have been more helpful and supportive during those years as a child going into my teenage years with a little chub, and told me that it's normal for girls to be taller and have extra "fat" when they're young. Even in high school when I was skinny, I wore t shirts in the pool. Now I don't even like to go near a pool, or any body of water. And I wouldn't, if it weren't for my son.

I don't want to deprive him of having fun and spending time outdoors because I am self conscious of the way I look. So I suck it up and do it anyway.

I have totally gone way off track here....oh, yes, my diet. I have been back on Weight Watchers going on 3 weeks and it's gone well for the most part. I lost 3.6 the first week and 1.6 last week. My goal is to lose 10 lbs. by Christmas. I think I may reach that goal.

So there you have it. An update of the past few months, as well as a ridiculous rant about my childhood, lol. I have an interview to prepare for, as well as some studying to do. I'll try to be better about keeping up with my Blog.

Things to Tell Myself Today

2009-09-14T06:42:00.000-07:00

1. I think I can, I think I can...
2. I know I can, I know I can...
3. I want to.
4. I need to.

Now that that's out of the way, **here's to a great week**. Cheers.

A woMAN with a plan...

2009-09-03T17:44:00.000-07:00

I have been completely off of WW for the past 2 weeks, eating any and everything in sight. I haven't stepped on a scale either...afraid of what it is going to tell me. I have known that the chaos must stop, and I guess I've been prepping myself....gathering health magazines, healthy recipes, etc. I've been really unorganized the past few weeks and I think that has alot to do with my recent binge. I just started my last semester of classes and they are hard. Harder than I remember my last few semesters being. I don't know if it's the pressure of needing to pass them in order to graduate in December, or what....but I am usually in a groove by now and I'm not. I don't feel prepared for my first exams I'll be taking next week and I don't know what to do about it. Maybe after I take the first exams and know how the tests are set up I will relax a bit and find what schedule works for me...but until then, pray that I pass these first exams!!

As I mentioned, I haven't been planning. So I just a rough list of how I would like to structure my days. Maybe if I type it out, print it and tape it on the fridge, in my bathroom, on the tv....I'll have a better chance of doing what I planned.

Here's my tentative plan:

EXERCISE. (one of my classes is Health Identification and Management, and right now I'm studying heart disease and the causes of it. It's scaring the crap out of me.)
-I plan to do my WATP video 5 times a week. I'll start with the 2 mile and work my way to the 3 mile. I know that doesn't sound like much, but I'm so out of shape, I need to start somewhere. After I have mastered the 3 mile, I will add pilates/yoga 3 times a week.

RELAXATION
-I am going to (try) to get up a few mintues before Mason in the morning so I can stretch, breathe, and just wake up. I will also do this after he goes to bed at night.

STRUCTURE
-I'm going to make sure that Mason gets enough time everyday to practice counting, ABC's, art, reading, etc.
-I will make a list of 3 tasks/chores to get done that day...otherwise nothing gets done!

ME
-I'm going to listen to music everyday. It makes me happy.
-I'm going to take at least 30 min. a day for me; paint my nails, read, take a bath, etc.
-I'm going to plan my meals before I grocery shop for the week so that I don't buy junk.
-I'm going to go to bed by 11pm when possible so I get enough sleep.

I would like to lose 30 lbs. by December....I graduate in December and would like to buy a new dress :)

Making Some Changes

2009-08-30T16:11:00.000-07:00

I thought I should write a list of the changes I have gone through both physically and emotionally since getting pregnant 2 years ago. I figure if I can acknowledge them, I can try to fix them. I gained about 50-60 lbs. after getting engaged back in 2003. I maintained that gain for about 4 years until I got pregnant with Mason. I of course was unhappy with the weight I had gained, but not nearly as unhappy as I am now. I gained about 38 lbs. over the course of my pregnancy. I actually lost a few pounds during the first few months (horrible morning/all day sickness) and didn't start gaining weight until I was about 12 weeks along.

I had a C-Section, and I remember the first time I saw the aftermath. My stomach, that is. I got HUGE with Mason. Not fat, but my stomach was freaking ginormous. It looked like there was more than one baby in there, and strangers felt the need to point that out to me. But after the baby was out, my stomach was still big, but now instead of a cute baby bump, it was ugly and there was hanging skin from where it stretched out. This was 18 months ago. A year and a half. And guess what? I STILL LOOK 9 MONTHS PREGNANT!!!!!! It is embarrassing. Sure, I lost about 25 lbs the first month after Mason was born, but I gained it back. And then some. What the hell???

So, back to the list. Here is the list of what what has happened, and also how I plan to fix myself. Or try to, anyway.

1. The obvious, bulging, saggy, belly. I no longer wish to look pregnant. Especially since I'm NOT. I plan to fix this (at least reduce it) by exercising and sticking to Weight Watchers.
2. Enormous boobs. Yeah, you'd think this wouldn't be a problem. Losing weight should help this.
3. More chins than a Chinese phone book. Haha...lame, I know. I'd like just one, please.
4. To look my age. Being fat makes you look older than you are. I am 25. Not 35. (No offense to those over 35 ;) I just am not there yet.)
5. The sagging, flappy arm things need to go. Along with the fat fingers, hands, legs, and arms. Paint me orange and dye my hair and I could pass for an oompa loompa. Again, exercise.....
6. The inner tube around my waist and the multiple rolls of fat around my upper body/waist. Those have GOT to go. Sigh....more exercise.

I realize this is getting long, and I think it might not be written in a very organized manner...but I have so many things I want to say, so bear with me.

As far as emotional changes, I realize I have become withdrawn, lethargic at times, extremely tired often and lacking energy. Like I said, I'm 25 years old. I shouldn't feel like this. I had post partum depression really bad last winter. We live in a town where we don't know anyone except Brian's parents, and they go to FL from Sept-May. Brian works alot, and I stay at home with Mason and take classes online. I don't have any friends or family nearby so it got lonely. And I got depressed. I slept when Mason did and stayed home most of the time. Since I was tired and depressed I had no oomph to be active or exercise. I still get a little blue occasionally, but it's better. I have joined MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers) and I am hoping to make some friends through that, and schedule playdates for Mason and I. I'm going to make myself be more active, and take advantage of being able to walk and play outside with Mason while the weather still permits it.

I have a ways to go, and many changes to make. I'll get there, though.

I'm Having a Moment...

2009-08-23T18:13:00.000-07:00

I've known for a few weeks now that Mason is getting close to kicking his morning nap and only needing one nap a day, but I've still been putting him down for both. He was doing well, going right to sleep, but the past few days have been a struggle getting him to take one of his naps. I've got to face the facts--my baby is a walking, talking toddler now. He's even sitting up at the table with us for meals.

Like I mentioned before, I only get homework done when he's sleeping. Now I've got an hour or so to make up after he goes to bed for the night.

As far as WW goes, I sucked today. Well, from dinner on I sucked. It ends tonight, though. Tomorrow I am focusing on drinking water, eating more veggies, fruits, etc.

The End is Near

2009-08-22T19:10:00.000-07:00

I'm talking about my days as a college student. For those of you who don't know, I am graduating from Central Michigan University in December with a Bachelor of Science degree. WOO HOO!!!!!!!! FINALLY!!

When I graduated from high school in 2002 I started at CMU in the fall and lived in the dorms. I partied like a true college student (ok, not all party...) and had tons of fun getting to know my roommates and getting acquainted with college life. Unfortunately, I had a little too much fun and my grades suffered. I cleaned up my act my sophomore year, but it came a little late, and I lost my financial aid. Brian and I were engaged by now (haha...yeah, after only 9 months of dating and only being 19...but that's another story) so I dropped out of school and moved in with Brian. After Brian and I got married in 2004, I started at Delta College where I did very well. 3 Semesters in we decided to move to North Carolina so I dropped out of school again. Fast forward 3 years and it's the fall of 2008, I am a new mom to a baby and starting school again. This time, I took online classes, but they were 8 week semesters instead of the normal 16 week semesters. By doing this, I have been able to get in 2 semesters in each term, including taking 2 summer classes (on campus) at the local community college. Are ya with me? It's a little confusing, but to get to the point, Monday I start my last semester as a college student. For now, anyway.

Tonight I have been printing material for class and have realized that I am really nervous. Of course, I am always nervous the first week or two of a new semester, but this time the pressure is on. If I don't do well I won't graduate. I'm sure I'll do fine, but you get what I'm saying? And classes aren't my only responsibility. Mason is 18 months old now and is about at that point where he is down to one nap a day. The only time I have to do homework and read for class is when he is sleeping.

I still haven't read over the syllabus for each class because I've been so busy PRINTING. One of my classes had a 212 page course pack, another was 180 pages. I have gone through 2 ink cartridges.

As for Weight Watchers, I have been doing pretty well. I haven't been drinking enough water and I've been using too many points on sweets. Those are things I must work on next week.

Questionable Weigh-In

2009-08-19T15:41:00.000-07:00

Well, Monday was weigh in day. I was anxious and excited to see how much weight I had lost. I didn't really have a clue how much I might have lost since I would just be thrilled to see any sort of loss. 13 Pounds. I thought I was hallucinating. I got off the scale, and got back on and it said the same thing. Holy shit, Batman!! After doing a little victory dance I had to stop and re-group. I used my MIL's scale, which I had used last week, so I figure the loss is legit, right? I stepped on my scale to see if it said the same thing but it showed about a 6 pound loss, which is still great. Surprisingly I was not disappointed. I would like the 13 lbs. to be accurate, but I decided to count the 6 lb loss instead. I have NEVER lost 13 lbs. in a week before and I just don't want to be disappointed next week if it shows something different. If I am below that number that made it a 13 lb. loss I know it will have been right. So we'll see come Monday.

The last few days have been great. I use my flex points for treats, I've been getting in more fruits and veggies than I have been and I have been mindfully eating. That mindful eating has been a huge thing for me the past few days because it's hard to do with a toddler. I've been focusing on whether or not I really like what I'm eating, and if I don't, I quit eating it. No sense in wasting points on something that doesn't taste good. If I'm not hungry any more, I quit eating it. Cereal has been my saving grace, especially at night when my cravings kick in. I have a ton of cereal in the pantry consisting of Multi-grain Cheerios, regular Cheerios, Banana Nut Cheerios, Honey Nut Cheerios, Golden Grahams and Cocoa Puffs. I had coupons, ok...lol. BTW...Banana Nut Cheerios are AWESOME. And the coupons I got from couponmom.com. You should check it out if you've never heard of it. Lots of freebies and good coupons every week.

Today I went with Mason, the hubby, MIL and FIL to the local fair. I was just excited to be out of the house, and for the first time in a long time I wasn't concerned about the food. With the exception of an elephant ear, of course. Previously I would have had a hard time deciding what to eat because everything would sound good. Corn dogs, pretzels, nachos, gyros, pizza, etc. I actually didn't want any of this, but I was hungry and it was lunch time. I split a corn dog with Mason and some chili cheese fries with Brian, and yes, I counted the points!! I was very empowered to know that I could enjoy a day at the fair and not let it revolve around food. I'll admit I was worried that it would just snowball from there--I'd eat a ton of fair food, use all my flex points and give up for the week and pledge to do good on Monday, Monday would come and go and I'd still not be doing good. I am relieved to say that didn't happen. I WANTED to count points for what I ate today.

But anyway, the fair was fun. We saw some cute animals and some white trash alcoholics who shouldn't be allowed to reproduce. The cute animals consisted of your basic fair animals: cows, horses, pigs and goats. There was also a special exhibit with a few rescued wild animals like an adorable lion cub, a tiger, a cougar, a lemur, a monkey, a kangaroo and a creepy looking one that I can't remember what it's called. For $20 you could get your picture taken with the lion cub, the kangaroo or a mini-fox of some kind. I wanted to take it with the kangaroo or the cute little kitty but $20 seemed a little....or alot....expensive.

My kid didn't really take a nap today except for about 30 min on the way home from the fair. I laid him down early and he's still awake....Ugh. Normally he falls right asleep but he's been fighting sleep lately. I'd better go see what I can do.

Days 12&13

2009-08-15T16:01:00.000-07:00

Friday wasn't such a good day....I wanted to eat everything in sight. No, thankfully I didn't, but I used every single one of my points plus half of my flex points. It was one of my hubby's days off, but we were both kind of cranky for some reason. Could have been the heat, could have been stress, who knows. But whatever it was, it made it seem as if the day was moving in slow motion. I wanted to hurry up and go to bed so I wouldn't think about food I shouldn't be eating. Instead we watched I Love You, Man. It sucked, to say the least--talk about dragging ON AND ON. After the movie I wanted some mini tacos. You know, those frozen, calorie-ridden things? I had most of my flex points and a few activity points left and figured I'd use them all on them. I ended up only using 12 (ONLY) and I still have a few flex points left. They were only a point a piece which I think isn't that bad when you feel like something fried, and they actually have quite a bit of fiber in them.

Today was much better than yesterday. I wasn't cranky and I didn't want to eat everything in my refridgerator. Instead, I took my adorable son to the park. I was feeling really ambitious and was going to walk to the park they just built down the road--and it's on the lake. I knew it was a few miles down the road, but I thought it would be a nice afternoon trip. Mind you, we were walking, it was at least 85 degrees and kind of on the humid side. We got to the playground at the elementary school just a few minutes from home and I was just dripping with sweat....and I decided we'd drive to the other park another day when it wasn't so hot. (After talking with my MIL I found out it's about 3 or 4 miles one way...told you I was feeling ambitious!)

The playground is on top of wooded mulch stuff...not a nice feeling on little bare feet, and since we were planning to go to the other park on the lake, I hadn't put any shoes on Mason. We decided to walk over by the soccer field and sat on a log in the shade and had a snack.

As you can see has had his mouth jam-packed full of food. He does this every time he eats unless I only give him a piece or two of food at a time. I think he thinks we're going to steal his food or something, so he hurries up and shovels it all in at once. After our snack, Mason wanted to hang out for the wooden train. I should have taken a picture of the whole thing, but here are a few pictures of him playing peek-a-boo in them:

It was a good day.

Duh Moment...day 11

2009-08-14T06:54:00.000-07:00

Duh moment of the day: I NEED TO PLAN MY FOOD.

By the time I was ready to plan dinner (at 6:00 pm) I had no points left for the day. I had to use Flex Points for my dinner. I had a few treats today, so I suppose that's ok....but I don't have very many Flex Points left for the week...and I like having extras everyday in case I run out of points and am hungry after dinner like I usually am. Yes, I can earn Activity points. I know....I've been moving a little this week...one thing at a time! Bottom line--I need to plan my food every day......and plan meals better.....and exercise.

Ok, I have lots to do today, but I wanted to get a post in for yesterday since I didn't get around to it before I went to bed. After I get Mason down for his nap I'm going to plan my food for the day.

Talk to ya later!

Day 10...and a close call!

2009-08-12T17:15:00.001-07:00

Today was a close call.....I started to fall off the wagon. Luckily, I was able to catch myself before I did! The fact that I did (catch myself) is HUGE. HUGE!!!!! I haven't been able to get back on the wagon since I fell off back in April. I lost 10 pounds in March and then all of a sudden I couldn't get it together. I'd have a few good days (or one) and then I'd slip...but instead of counting the points for the goodies I'd eaten, I would tell myself I'd do better tomorrow...and then the next day, etc., etc.

Around lunch time I was STARVING and craving anything and everything. I decided I would have a few of the White Cheddar Cheez-It's I love so much. Those darn things are tasty--but 3 points for a little handful. I could eat the whole box. Luckily, I didn't...but I did have about 2 servings worth of them. I took a little cat nap while Mason was napping to get rid of my headache. I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich while Mason had his snack. I had one of those mocha frappe things from McDonalds (without whipped cream) too. So what stopped me from falling off? Before going out to the grocery store I put on the jeans I bought on Saturday that were kind of tight....today they weren't tight. Woo Hoo!! I then re-planned the rest of the food for the evening. Instead of the beef stroganoff I was planning to make, I am baking some chicken breast and having some of that broccoli and cheese steamer things and a cup of soup. I put the crackers and the sandwich into my points tracker and I only ended up using 2.5 flex points after all that. Ohhhh....and I managed to get a little walk in. It was only 15 minutes...but that's a start, I suppose.

It's so exciting to me that I think I have finally found whatver it is I need to keep motivated and to keep myself on the right track. Once school starts in a few weeks I won't have as much free time as I do now, but I know that by having a few weeks already under my belt, I will make time.

Day 9....and a little rambling

2009-08-11T16:48:00.000-07:00

Today has been great!! Not only have I counted everything and ate the healthy stuff, I still have 9 points left...and it's almost 8:00! Now I know that many people say it's not good to eat after 8 or whatever...but I have an 18 month old and I eat late. Not only that, but I usually only have a few points left after dinner. The difference today was that Brian and I worked out in the apartment (our part of the house that Brian's parents are so generously sharing with us for a while) all day.

Up until about 5 months ago we had two long haired cats that shed ALOT. We found them a new home in March because they were cooped up in the apartment because Brian's mom is allergic, and after experiencing life without cat hair, we stopped going out in to the apartment as often and they weren't getting enough attention....so back to today. We were working on getting the cat hair out. To do that we have to dust everything, wash the walls, move all the furniture and vacuum under, next to and around it. We did a little downsizing, putting unwanted or unused items into a box for an upcoming garage sale. We worked most of the day and still aren't done. We are going to steam clean the furniture and the carpet but since we didn't finish everything else that will have to wait.

I went off on a tangent there....oh, yes. My point in explaining all that was that we were busy, which is why I didn't use the amount of points I usually do.

I weighed myself today and gained .6 pounds from last week. My goal is to NOT gain weight on a regular basis, which I have been. I have alot of weight to lose...now it's up to about 130 pounds to reach the weight I'd like to maintain. Brian and I want to have kids soon...we actually wanted to try again once I found a job, but I am pretty sure I won't have lost enough weight for that to be a good idea. Not only that, but we'd like to have our own place, insurance and a few other important things, before having another baby. I wanted Mason and his first sibling to be about 2 years apart so that they would have a close relationship as they grew up, and I was having a hard time accepting the fact that we'd have to wait a bit longer...but I want to do the next pregnancy the right way.

I gained about 35 lbs. during my pregnancy with Mason. I lost about 25 lbs. the first month and I have slowly gained that back. Now I am starting to gain a bit more and that is just not acceptable. If I don't lose some weight before having another baby I know I will just continue to get bigger and bigger....I don't intend on losing 140 lbs before getting pregnant again. I would like to lose at least 50 lbs. though. If I lose more...that's fabulous. But that is what I am shooting for.

Today was one step closer.

Day 8

2009-08-10T17:09:00.000-07:00

Today is day 8. I think I have done pretty darn well!! For some reason I crave sweeter things at breakfast, so I need to steer clear of that eventually. For lunch I had tuna fish and a pita and a massive pile of broccoli. Dinner was very tasty and consisted of grilled chicken and potatoes and we just got back from having lemon soft serve….yum! Today was a good day…I just need to keep it up!

Crap...I just remembered I forgot to weigh myself. Better do it tomorrow.

Days 3-7

2009-08-09T17:58:00.000-07:00

Obviously I haven’t been keeping up with my daily posts….I spent a long weekend at my mom’s. Let me give you an update:

I stopped counting points on Tuesday. I think knowing that we weren’t planning to count points over the weekend while at my mom’s didn’t help. I did, however, become more mindful of what I was eating. And for not counting points, I didn’t do all that terrible. I even ate some fruit and veggies!

We left late Thursday afternoon, and still hadn’t had lunch. Instead of stopping to get fast food as we planned, I made us (my hubby, Brian and I) sandwiches consisting of lean deli chicken, whole wheat bread, a slice of provolone cheese and mustard. No fat, no mayo, no grease. It was great! We did grab a bag of Doritos from Glen’s before we left, but I didn’t like the flavor we got. It was a new flavor; jalapeño popper….it was too spicy for me and tasted a little stale. Instead of eating them anyway, I stopped after realizing I didn’t care for them. Yay me! I had a yogurt also. We got a pizza from Little Caesars for dinner and I did eat 3 pieces….

On Friday we took my son to the zoo. Anyone who has been to the zoo knows the goodies that can be eaten there…I ate NONE of these things. I did spend $3 on a bottle of water though. Ugh. We didn’t get to the zoo till 1 pm and had lunch before hand….I had a 6 inch turkey and roast beef sub from subway!!! Another yay for me! After the zoo we were wanting a snack…I was craving frozen lemonade but couldn’t find any. Brian really wanted cheeseburgers from White Castle but I wasn’t in the mood for grease. (After smelling them I changed my mind and had one of his little mini cheeseburgers…) I opted for a banana walnut muffin and iced cappuccino from Tim Hortons. Yeah, not very figure friendly, but it could have been a WHOLE lot worse. Dinner that night was even better…grilled chicken and cold sesame noodles and also a half of a cob of corn on the cob.

Saturday was the day Brian and I were leaving Mason with my mom while we went camping to celebrate our anniversary a week late. The weather didn’t cooperate and we just went into the city and did some shopping and saw a movie. We had planned on going out to a nice dinner that night but I was missing my boo boo (my son’s nickname) and my mom had made lasagna. Sounded good to us, so went and had dinner there.

Today it is beyond hot and I have been sweating my ass off all day long. Hot and humid = no appetite for me. I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast and snacked on some cheezit’s before lunch. We had pizza again….but I stopped eating before I was full.

All in all, I didn’t have the greatest weekend for food, but I am proud of the fact that I never over ate and I didn’t eat anything I didn’t enjoy. For the most part, I also chose healthier options over greasy, fast food. Tomorrow I will remember this and strive to do much better. It’s time to me to stop messing around and commit to a healthier lifestyle.

Day 2

2009-08-04T17:54:00.000-07:00

Day 2 is almost over and though I didn't count my points today, I didn't do all that bad either. I didn't go to McDonalds for lunch like I wanted (I opted for Subway), I didn't get any junk food when I went grocery shopping, and I didn't make crap for dinner. That being said, I am pretty sure if I would have been counting points, I would have definitely gone over. Well over. Like I did last night....

So, for now I am satisfied with making healthier decisions. Yesterday I beat myself up for not being strictly on program and today I decided that it's not the end of the world if I don't count points...I just need to eat mindfully and choose the healthier alternative.

Now if you'll excuse me I'm off to enjoy a late dinner of sauteed chicken and couscous with toasted pine nuts. Yum.

Day 1

2009-08-03T11:58:00.001-07:00

I have not mastered the art of blogging yet...and I don't always get my thoughts organized in a easily readable manner...so bear with me.

To sum it up, I have joined Weight Watchers Online. I have been struggling with staying on program, so I thought it might help to start a blog that I will post daily, describing my struggles and successes that I encounter each day. There are so many obvious as well as personal reasons why I NEED, HAVE, and WANT to succeed...I will share those eventually. Until then, I welcome any and all comments/feedback/support.

Day 1-Monday, Aug. 3

Sometimes I wish that I didn’t have to go to bed. LOL…what I mean is that before I go to bed I make a list of the tasks I am going to accomplish the next day. These tasks are usually pretty optimistic and developed while I am feeling very motivated. Like last night, for example. I made a short list of things that you’d think I would have no problem doing. I was determined and sure that I would get them done today. I was going to get up at 6:30 am, a half hour before Mason usually wakes up, and do my workout video. I was going to finish organizing my bedroom and put laundry away. Of course when my alarm goes off at 6:30 I am dead to the world and want nothing more but to sleep until Mason wakes up. Well, that I did…but I have decided to take a bike ride after Brian gets home from work. Rain or shine…or at least that’s the plan. Those other things on my list…not done yet either. But I still have a few hours…so I’ll worry about it later.

Food-wise I have done alright. Toast with peanut butter for breakfast, yogurt and a Fiber One bar for a snack, homemade black bean soup and a Lean Cuisine chicken pizza. I’m still hungry after all this; and it’s only a little past noon. I had a banana…then I had 2 servings of mini-chips ahoy cookies. Sigh. I can still count it, but that only leaves me 4 points to play with after my chili for dinner. I need to get creative…and have a massive plate of green veggies along side my chili. But I can do it. I HAVE to do it. Day 1 is always the hardest.

The little one is taking a nap…I am going to do the same. I’ll cross more things off my list later.

One Day at a Time

2009-01-27T18:26:00.000-08:00

This is my engagement photo. Pretty good looking couple, if I do say so myself! This was taken in October of 2003. Almost 6 years ago. Lots of things have changed since then. Including my weight. ESPECIALLY my weight. I have gained about 75 pounds since this photo was taken.

This photo was taken on New Years Eve 2008. Just a few weeks ago. Still a good looking couple. But I cringe at the shape my face and the rest of my body has taken. I have tried dozens of times to lose weight, start Weight Watchers, and exercise. Something always happens where I get off track. I am going to work harder this time around. I am going to take baby steps. I have set larger goals before, but they seem intimidating and I think that's why I give up eventually. I am going to start setting small goals that I can reach and then work up to larger goals.

I am on day 2. My goal this week is to count every single point, every day. Except of course for my cheat day :) I need to exercise as well, and I will try very hard to do so, but I am not going to agonize over it yet. So far so good. I haven't waivered. I haven't cheated. I haven't given in and had that burger I wanted the other day.

I will lose weight this time. I'm just taking it one day at a time.

The Monkey and the Bumblebee

2008-10-18T18:19:00.001-07:00

I will get to the monkey and the bumble bee in a minute.

A good time was had by all yesterday at the cider mill. Actually, it was a good day all around. I got my hair cut in the morning before we left (she did a GREAT job!) and we headed out around 10:30 that morning. We stopped in Mt. Pleasant for lunch at Bennigan's which is always yummy. We picked up some food for Mason at Meijer and headed off to St. Johns to meet up with my mom and her husband Dave and Jason and Deanna.

Jason and Deanna were running late (which is understandable with a little one...I should know) but my mom and Dave were already there. Mason at some apples and ham with squash and then we wandered around the gift shop. The gift shop had really interesting trinkets from Curious George memorabilia to handmade candles. My mom and Dave had to leave early because my younger brother missed the bus home from school. Of course. Soon Jason and Deanna arrived with a very hungry and cranky Cole, so Brian and Jason went to get cider and donuts for Deanna and I.

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the cider and the cinnamon donuts. They also have buttermilk and pumpkin donuts but I don't like those as well as the cinnamon. The cider is unpasturized....which is why it's so delicious.

So what's with the monkey and bumble bee business, you ask? Well we got Cole and Mason halloween costumes to take their pictures in. Cole was a bumble bee and Mason of course was the monkey.

As you can see from the first picture neither of the boys were willing to cooperate for the camera to take a good picture...but they were still adorable!!!

Uncle John's Cider Mill

2008-10-16T15:22:00.000-07:00

I try to think of clever titles for my blogs but my brain is a little too preoccupied for such thinking.

Uncle John's Cider Mill for those who aren't familiar, is a family owned and operated, well...cider mill. They make their own cider, donuts and other sweet treats. There are hayrides, pumpkin picking, wine tasting and a haunted house (I think there's one anyway..) It's fun and a great family oriented activity.

Since living in Houghton Lake we're far from other family and friends, so whenever possible we try to get together with them when we're nearby. My brother and sister in-law Jason and Deanna are meeting us there and bringing their son (my nephew) Cole with them. I just love it when Mason gets to spend time with his cousin. He doesn't get to spend time with other babies his age, so it's good for him...anyway....we're all meeting tomorrow afternoon at Uncle John's. We are going to dress the boys up in their halloween costumes that Jason picked up and take some pictures amongst the haystacks and pumpkins...it'll be cute!!

We'll stop for lunch in Mt. Pleasant and meet up with everyone later in the afternoon. Stay tuned for pictures of Mason in his adorable costume :)

If at first you don't succeed.....

2008-10-12T12:26:00.000-07:00

Toddlers with their mommys. That's what I was looking for today when I took Mason for a walk to the park. Every so often (ok, more often than not) I start to feel a little lonely when Brian is at work and sometimes it gets bad enough where I wallow in self-pity for awhile. Today was one of those days. But instead of wallowing, I decided I would take Mason for a walk to the park which is maybe a mile down the road. I was hoping to find other moms there with their kids. I didn't care how old their kids were, I am just DESPERATE to make some friends around here.

After feeding Mason his lunch, I stuck him in his walker, put him in front of the bathroom door and took a shower. Since Mason was born, I don't take a shower on a regular basis. Yes, that sounds gross, but I don't always have time and when I do Mason will fuss. So anyway, I am thinking that since I am on my way to possibly meet a new friend or friends, I determine that I should look nice. I wouldn't want to give anyone the wrong impression....like I'm a sleep-deprived, lonely, pitiful stay at home mom or something. Ha! I blow dry my hair, put on some makeup and stick Mason in his stroller. Off we go to the park.

As we approached the park I saw a few cars which got me excited and hopeful for other mommy's. The first woman I see looks like she just rolled out of bed and brought her kids here. She didn't even have any shoes on. Brave, I thought. I came to impress. What was I thinking. I do a once around the playground and the only other people I see are probably late 30's or so and their kids a bit older. I sat on a bench with Mason to let him watch the other kids, hoping maybe one of the other women, or even the men would start conversation. No one even looked our way, even as we sat on the bench next to some of them. Sigh. All that getting ready for nothing. And I'm hot and sweaty from the 80 degree weather we're having. After pushing Mason in the little baby swing for a while and going down the slide with him, I decide to go home. That's what everyone else had done, afterall.

Maybe next time.

Grins and Giggles

2008-05-23T20:14:00.000-07:00

It is 45 minutes until midnight, and I should very well be going to bed. Instead I am going to gush about my baby boy.

It amazes me that inspite of how many hours a day I spend changing diapers, changing clothes, getting puked on and being hit by a starving, screaming baby, I still find myself looking forward to the next time I get to do it all again. Of course there are times during the day I want to scream or pull out my hair but it only lasts a few seconds. Then he will smile at me and I forget why I wanted to scream. Mason is only 3 months old and I am already excited for the next one. I LOVE being a mom. I LOVE seeing my baby grow and discover new things. I look forward to every day and the new experiences I will share with him.

Yep. I could go on and on but I think I should go to bed. My little angel will be up sooner than I would like to be, and I can't think straight anymore.